I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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