and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize