did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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