there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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