I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
