what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
