The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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