FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
