I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
even my farts smell like vagina
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
