My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
