if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
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Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
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Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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