No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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