my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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