I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
