I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
