you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
