I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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