i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize