That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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