we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
