He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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