I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
