mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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