dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
