Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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