I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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