dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
