It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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