So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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