It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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