good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
