How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
