Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
