I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
