I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
