walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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