Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
