I wanna bring you to show and tell
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
