Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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