Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
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Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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