I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised