Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
