There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
