my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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