This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
