So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
