Your dad touched me again.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
