What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
