There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
