Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
