Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
