I just threw up on my dentist
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
