im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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