I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
