I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
