And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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