I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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