I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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