He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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