I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
