how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
