so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
