Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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