She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
