soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
honey bunches of taint.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
