it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
